#100: What's the worst bar in Brussels?
This and other reader questions answered in this centenary newsletter
I’m writer Eoghan Walsh and this is my weekly free-to-subscribe newsletter about life in Brussels. If you like it and you’re not already subscribed, you can sign up here!
This week, I’m answering questions sent in by readers, to celebrate the 100th edition of the newsletter. Thanks to everyone who has ever read, shared, liked, and commented. Here’s to 100 more.
Last week I put a call out to readers and followers on social media for questions they wanted me to answer. And here’s the result, ranging from the practical to the philosophical, the controversial and the basically confusing. If you still have something you’d like to ask - drop a comment at the end and I’ll reply. And if you disagree with my answers, you know what to do.
Why do you hate Uccle so much?? (“Justinian”)
I feel this one comes from a place of pain. Why do I hate Uccle? I feel like hate is too strong a word, but the commune holds - and never has held - much interest for me. The vibes are off. It’s too far away, taking so long to get there that by the time I arrive I’m in bad humour. The mayor is reptilian, and they have the gall to complain about poor public transport when they rejected the option of a metro in the 1970s (so the story goes).
That being said, I have actually had a couple of nice days out there in the past year, so it may move off the bottom stop in this year’s ranking of best and worst communes. Stay tuned.
How has alcohol, or more specifically inebriation, inspired you and contributed to making you the person that you have become? Secondary question: Would you have loved beer and its culture so much if there was no alcohol in beer? (Alexandra)
All good questions, though I’m not exactly sure inebriation has inspired me - and less and less now that I’ve cut down on my consumption. I tend to write sober (though I don’t edit drunk, to mangle Hemingway). Maybe I’m taking the question too literally. Certainly without alcohol I wouldn’t have met my wife (in an underground Czech pub), have such a good connection with my school friends (drinking Devil’s Bit down by Walton’s Wall, or bushing at the Complex), or been functionally social for most of my 20s. In this respect above all others, I am very definitely Irish.
As to the second question, absolutely not. When I started drinking it wasn’t beer but cider, and I only started drinking beer for lack of any alternative while interrailing around Europe (you just can’t keep slamming Vodka Cokes with the size of the pours they give you in Spain, even when you’re 19).
Why do some metro stations have card readers at knee level? Merode, Porte de Hal, I’m looking at you (Alex)
This deserves further investigation (I am not aware of this phenomenon - when you say knee-height, what are we talking about?).
How can we get Zenne Pils in more and more locations? Now that good weather is finally coming? (Juan)
Be an evangelist! Ask your favourite bar to put it on or get it in! There’s an old brewing story about De Koninck in Antwerp - their sales staff would go in undercover at bars that didn’t yet sell their beers, try and order one, and loudly complain about its absence. Queue the arrival the next day of a brewery salesman with a crate of De Koninck. If it’s a good bar, they will react to customer feedback. And then you just have to buy it everywhere you see it. Positive reinforcement!
What's your most memorable Belgian beer moment? (Lana)
Is it a flex to say brewing with Yvan De Baets at Brasserie de la Senne? That and brewing my first beer with Sam at Brussels Beer Project for the launch of my first book was a hugely significant moment for me personally - writing can be a lonely experience, and that really made me feel part of a larger community.
What would it take for you to leave Brussels? What would be the final straw? (Rebecca)
I think if we were to see a serious degradation in the school situation that would certainly make us think twice about toughing out the current prolonged crisis. If the nature of our street were to alter for the worse (and it would probably have to get pretty bad) I might reconsider too. I want to say I’m here for the long haul - we did after all just pour a significant amount of money into our house renovations, and if only for that I want to stick around and get my money’s worth.
Where do you write? When do you write ? And with what or on what do you write? What is your favourite writing spot and time? (Carien)
Usually I write at the dinner table or on the couch - despite building myself a writing desk on the top floor landing of the house. For the newsletter, in a normal week I’ll write the first draft of the following week’s entry in the hour between 7 and 8 on Friday evening when the kids are at swimming, and I’m at a bar around the corner from the pool. I always write it long hand in a notebook, transcribing it to the computer on Saturday morning, with a second go at it Sunday morning, before fixing it Tuesday evening and publishing Wednesday morning.
As this newsletter is coming out on a Friday, you can see that I rarely manage to stick to this schedule. As Ian Malcolm said, life finds a way…of getting in my way. I do like writing in bars; it gives me something to do and keeps me off my phone, and a beer and half is good lubrication.
In what ways or areas have you found yourself mellowing over the last few years? And, do you miss that intensity or appreciate your life a bit more as a result? (Robert)
I certainly care a lot less about what people think of me, which I think is a natural part of ageing, isn’t it? I think I’ve also become more tolerant or understanding of people’s issues. But living in Brussels has probably actually sharpened other parts of my personality that would have been dormant in Ireland, and I am much less tolerant of time-wasting and bullying. I am, I think, a much more pleasant person to be around.
How do Belgians manage or pace their sessions? How are they not always legless? Is our perception correct at all that waiters won't serve you if they think you're drinking too quickly? (Boak and Bailey)
I think, if Belgians are out on a proper session they will either take one of two strategies: lots of small (25cl) glasses of whatever the industrial Lager is on tap; or fewer but heavier and more spaced-out stronger beers spread across the whole evening. It’s been a while since I’ve been out late, but there is also sometimes a bit of a ratchet - start small and end with a bang, but not multiple bangs (see elsewhere as to why not). Also, don’t discount that they might just be good at hiding it, if family card nights and the stack of empty bottles left behind the following morning are anything to go by.
I’ve not seen too much spirits being drunk in the pub, that’s probably something more for the clubs. And maybe the most important factor: the pubs don’t have closing hours, so there’s no rush to get a feed of pints in before last call. You can take your time, miss a round or two, and still get hammered.
On the waiter question, that is a good one - I’ve never seen it in real life, but it wouldn’t surprise me. They do take their jobs seriously, and I can certainly see them trying to slow down an unwary tourist who’s gone over their skis on pints of Leffe (I have seen that happen).
What’s the best indie rock band in Belgium? (Pedro)
Sadly this is one I am unqualified to answer. The only Belgian music I know is the kind that’s popular with the tween demographic (Pommelien Thijs, Camille, and Metejoor). There’s always Angèle, of course. We stan Angèle (do people still say that?).
What’s the most smashed you’ve seen a Brussels local in a bar? (David)
David, I’m never out late enough to see people really do proper damage to themselves. Can I compensate by telling you about the most drunk I have been in a Belgian bar? Which, in my mind, was probably the most drunk person I’ve been in the presence of.
It was Leuven, 2007. I was 21, and the city was celebrating its Jenever festival - jenever being a Low Countries, fruit-flavoured proto-Gin, with which I was unfamiliar at the beginning of the night and overfamiliar with by the end. It’s a drink served in little thimblefuls, and we drank a lot of thimbles that night. The festival wound down around 10pm and instead of heading home - I was staying at my future mother-in-law’s - I made the ill-fated decision to head to Stapleton’s Irish bar for a couple of nightcaps.
Several Duvels followed, and at this stage I was still getting my Belgian beer legs. I remember very little other than a brightly-lit bar, before being supported onto my old oma fiets to cycle the short distance home. How I made it without toppling over to one side on my bike is a minor miracle. What transpired after I got home is not for public consumption…
It's nice to make an effort to speak to bar staff in their native language, but does this create any offense in Brussels? Do Flemish bar staff get offended if you speak to them in French, and do Walloon bar staff get offended if you speak to them in Flemish? (Bay Beer Reviews)
I’ve never found it creates offence. Many Bruxellois will be functionally bilingual, though the native Dutch speakers are marginally more likely to speak French, than the French speakers Dutch. Of course, it’s always good to know that the Vlaamsesteenweg and the Rue Dansaert are predominantly Dutch-language bars, and most of the rest of the city the opposite. Just don’t immediately speak to them in English, that’s discourteous and likely to land you in more trouble than either of the other languages.
Also important to note - Dutch speakers in Brussels are not always Flemish, and French speakers certainly not Wallonian. They are Bruxellois. These are fine, but important distinctions.
What is the best bike-to-beer trip/itinerary? (Chris)
I don’t know if it is the best, but the most recent one I took was back in March. Z was playing an underage football match in Lembeek. So obviously, after the game, I convinced them to cycle down to the Boon brewery, from where we rode along the canal into Halle, before heading further in the direction of Brussels where we pulled in at the 3 Fonteinen Lambic-o-droom. I had a great time. There are so many more places along that route - Den Herberg, Lambiek Fabriek (if you can get in), and plenty of characterful bars in between.
Which football stadium has the best beer selection? (Boothhill Brewing)
Stade Marien. Is this even up for discussion?
What are the best non-alcoholic beer? (bestfood_bruxelles)
I’m not sure how much you should trust the opinion of a man who was once part of a tasting panel that selected Ramon as the best NA beer in the world. In my defence, it was a blind tasting, but that’s never been enough mitigation to stop my friends at Brussels Beer Project bringing it up every few months. So I’ll pick Pico Bello, though recently I’ve switched from NA beers to Kombucha in search of a different experience - SCOB in Brussels make excellent “brewed tea”.
Lesser known bars with terraces in this weather please (Manus)
I don’t know how many of these are lesser-known (I’m an old man with kids…), but here’s a few I enjoy:
Smala farm out in Anderlecht, so bucolic you’ll forget you’re in Brussels
Booze ‘n Blues, central but not obnoxiously so and the beers are maybe the best in the city
Jardin Hospice, ibid (minus the beers)
The Royal Library rooftop, food is pricey but the views might be unrivalled
And there’s always De Markten if you’re in a pickle
If you had to wipe out one bar via act of God which would it be? (Selkies)
The first bar that came to mind was of course Delirium. But then I had second thoughts, because without Delirium where would we corral all the teenage Americans who are looking to get hammered on strong Belgian beer? Maybe one of those awful bars in Uccle where all the men wear chinos and pale blue button-downs and they work in asset management or their dad’s consulting firm - La TerrasseO2? Chalet Robinson? Would anyone miss those?
Have you come to the elaboration of a definitive answer to “why Brussels?”
“It’s too early to say.” - Zhou Enlai.
Really though, this newsletter is probably an ongoing - perhaps neverending - interrogation of that question. More prosaically, with my educational background (politics and European studies) and my relationship status (married to a Belgian), Brussels was inevitable. Maybe the more interesting questions are “why Brussels, still?” or “why, Brussels?” which I hope to get around to in future newsletter installments. Maybe at #200 I’ll have a better answer.
Thanks for answering all our questions Eoghan!
Where should a visitor to the city buy their beers to take back home?